Woe

The aura of misery thou carry within

Is a heinous offence of

Deadly sins.

By thy baneful exploits

Thou demolished my spirit.

None of thy efforts are those

Of good merit.

With a mask of morality

Thou obscure a vile face.

Thy wickedness ruins the beauty

Of each place.

A persona of purity that

None would assume.

And to all your toxicity

I was not immune.

-m.m.jan

Catching Feelings

Are these emotions worth all my thoughts,

Or is this just a relieving distraction?

It will remain unknown to me if this

Is an undermining overreaction.

I will never truly know if these

Sentiments are mutualistic.

My mind opposes my heart’s desire

But which part is realistic?

-m.m.jan

La-La Land

She spots her lover

Getting off his train.

She runs into his arms,

Forgetting all the pain.

While they kiss so perfectly

Their hearts increasing pace,

Smudges of red lipstick paint his handsome face.

They dance together to the perfect sound

Of the rain pouring

And the symphony in the background.

His twinkling eyes stare into her pretty face.

Their feet leave the ground

While they soar into space.

-m.m.jan

Binded

I shut my eyes tightly so I don’t see

The wrongdoings I will do to me.

I hold my ears hard so I don’t listen,

But still my insecurities win.

I fail to shut out the voice in my head,

The one that haunts me as I lay in bed.

As it fills me with worry

And crushes my dreams,

My greatest enemy is myself,

It so painfully seams.

I attempt to break free but my Efforts are ill.

The fear holds on and binds me still.

-m.m.jan

The Sea

You smile as the friendly sun kisses your face.

Gently and slowly,

It pulls you to its embrace.

The warmth of the sand below

Tingles your feet,

While you dance along to the ocean’s special beat.

Into the sparkling crisp water you gracefully dive

And suddenly understand the longing you thrive.

You sing along kindly

With the seagulls above.

Feelings of serenity, peace, freedom, and love.

The cure of all your worries and tragic despair

Is a single breath of that fresh salty air.

As you move your fragile body inside the sea,

You realize it’s where you’ll spend eternity.

-m.m.jan

Solus

I get in my car and drive

To an unknown destination.

I roll down all the windows

And set my hair loose in admiration.

Adrenaline rushes though my blood

As I rapidly pick up speed.

Under a dark sky with twinkling lights,

My own company is all I need.

I’m fleeing quickly

Leaving all my troubles behind.

Contemplating the scenes before me

I clear up my own mind.

No phone, no gps, and absolutely no distractions.

My heart flutters with happiness at this

Rare taste of satisfaction.

I laugh crazily with tears of joy stinging my eyes.

While my favourite music blares out of the speakers

I am greeted by a warm sunrise.

-m.m.jan

A Journey to You

I took on a journey trying to find

The happiness that had left me behind.

Through paintings and photographs I gazed so deep,

but a glimpse of happiness I could not seek.

Around various crowds I so carefully looked,

Searched all the newspapers and library books.

It later dawned on me

As my eyes grew wide to see,

My happiness was gone forever,

There was nothing left of me.

I let loose my tears and so

Helplessly I quit.

In the darkness I found a light

And I knew that you were it.

You gave my life colours

Instead of only blue.

I smile as I realize

I found my happiness in you.

-m.m.jan

Betrayal

I watched you grow so gracefully

As you took my breath away.

From a little seed you bloomed

To the flower you are today.

You turn your head to me

As an act of selfish betray.

I wonder if you knew

That I was the light you needed everyday.

-m.m.jan

Night

Sitting there alone,

Escaping the attention of the light.

Staring at the sky above

Into the darkness of the night.

Sprinkled across the sky

Are stars shining so bright.

Twinkling so gracefully,

Lighting the darkness of the night.

Eyes wandering around

In hope of any sight,

Are greeted by the immense serenity of

The darkness of the night.

The silence is engulfing as

You shut your eyes tight.

You feel nothing else except the glory of

The darkness of the night.

-m.m.jan

Evil Hearts

I saw a quote a couple of months ago and I think about it a lot. It said, “Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.” It made me think about all the many situations and circumstances I’ve been through where I’ve felt uncomfortable. But rather than coping with my emotions, I used to believe that it was just my insecurities and anxieties getting the best of me. That thought-provoking quote made me realize that all this time I had blamed and pretty much hated myself for feeling self-conscious and awkward, while the real people to blame were the ones around me. A lot of evil hearts are disguised with pretty faces, and I’m disappointed for only realizing this now.

I walked into a room and felt multiple stares piercing into my soul. My knees grew weak and so did my stance. The high levels of judgment and fake supremacy in the air suffocated me as I attempted to breathe. Taken aback, I looked at the angelic and innocent faces that met mine every way I turned. I tried to find a reason for all the pretentious cynicism coming forth from each person. Scanning the room with my eyes, I searched for a clue but little did I know about the dark souls each of those people possessed. For the first time I listened to myself, and that’s when I remembered the quote, “Trust the vibes you get, energy doesn’t lie.”

My instinct told me to abandon the place so I left.

A Fading Friend

Dear friend,

My mind hurts from thinking of things to say. Your negativity surrounds you like a cloud full of droplets of hate, and I am tired of waiting for the rainstorm that will clean you of your worries. No matter how hard a time life may be giving you, it doesn’t make sense to me how bad-tempered and impatient you’ve grown towards others and more specifically, me. I stood by your side from the very beginning but now I’m too tired, and I have to sit down. I have dealt with all your stresses and pain in order to help you, but I now realize that I must help myself first.

Sincerely,

I’m sorry

Scars

I sit alone crouched up-

with my back against a tree.

I stare at all the wonders of nature surrounding me.

I feel myself healing as I breathe in a huge gulp of floral scented air.

While I notice the cool summer breeze-

as it blows into my hair.

I shut my eyes tightly and enjoy the sound of silence.

My shoulders ache of the burdens, I’m constantly forced to balance.

This scenic beauty is a temporary relief from all of life’s tensions-

Like the unfairness and cruelty of society’s pretensions.

-m.m.jan

The Greatest Star

I watch as the sun appears,

Lighting the once dark and gloomy sight.

It rises over the horizon so gracefully,

Showering the earth with love and light.

It makes me feel warm,

not just physically, but on the inside too.

As the sun embraces me so gently,

I am lost of all feelings blue.

The kind sun beams at me

With a tender, loving smile.

As it offers me joy,

It makes my life worthwhile.

Shining in the sky,

it so vibrantly glows.

The sun promises a new chance,

a wondrous repose.

It then leaves the sky in a peaceful matter,

Tiptoeing off so serenely.

As the sun reaches out for a final glimpse,

it blows a kiss towards me.

-m.m.jan

Inner Reflection

As I look into the mirror,

I see nothing but my shell.

It conceals the light within me

and the secrets I don’t tell.

It’s just an image on the wall,

A glimpse of an appearance.

It does not define the spirit inside,

or its purpose of existence.

A reflection does not radiate

the kindness of a heart.

Your body is merely a cavity,

A structure made of art.

Everyone deserves to be loved by

The beauty of their souls.

“Looks” should not make you who you are,

Or control you as a whole.

-m.m.jan

Uploading my thoughts online…

Here goes nothing

It feels so weird to see my thoughts staring back at me from a computer screen rather than the little black book that sits by my bedside table. Starting a blog was always a dream of mine, but I never got the guts to do it until now. I think my blog would help me express my bottled up feelings, and I hope my words inspire you to step into the light.